I had been bleeding for three months straight. In the middle of the night, often around 3 am my womb would wake me up screaming from sleep. Cramps so strong when described my doctor said they sounded like contractions. But I wasn’t pregnant. And this wasn’t normal.
I went in for surgery to find out exactly what was happening. Did the endometriosis I had battled my entire life spread to other organs? Why was the bleeding so relentless? There were not answers.
Other symptoms emerged and I started going for regular implants of hormones that are used to treat breast cancer patients to turn my menstrual cycles off. The needles looked more like tubes than needles. Each time before my dose I had to pep talk myself into believing it wasn’t that bad. Toughen up. These injections hurt like hell. This was a very difficult time in my life.
“Your second chakra looks like a nuclear reactor.” The first energy healer I did work with was sitting across from me wide-eyed. “What’s going on there?” At the time, I had no idea other than what was physically manifesting in my body. Nuclear reactor sounded right since I’d been bleeding for so long and was experiencing a forced system shutdown through hormone therapy. He explained that the sacral chakra, the energy center linked to my womb and nearby organs was deeply connected to creativity, manifestation, and sexuality. What connections could I make to my physical disarray and these pieces of myself? At the time, I thought it might just be because I was born with two wombs. Yes two. Beyond the fact that I had two wombs occupying this space, the link to anything else confused me and was not obvious. Over time I came to realize that a lot of creative projects were brewing under the surface, I felt creatively murdered in my job at the time, I felt trapped in the life I had built for myself, the childlike part of me had been shoved down in service of expectations around “adulting,” and that something deep inside me was calling me back to the path I never knew I had in the first place.
Fast forward to my solo cross-country road trip several years ago. After leaving the Buddhist monastery I lived in, a series of synchronizing moments brought me into contact with the first female healers I’ve ever met. Up until this point my teachers, my healers, my mentors were all male. Connecting to this feminine energy and perspective felt different. At the time I couldn’t quite explain how, but it felt strangely familiar, “homey,” and deep. Something instinctively told me to lean into this and to devote myself to learning from other women moving forward, to plug myself into a community of sisterhood, and to explore the divine feminine...something I knew very little about. Following this impulse I prayed to the Universe one night and asked for a deeper understanding, connection, communion with the divine feminine. I had no idea where this would take me, but I knew it felt right.
This journey led me straight into the depths of the second chakra...the sacral chakra also sometimes called the womb chakra or sex chakra. An energy center often neglected and misunderstood, it held some of the deepest mysteries about myself and captivated my attention.
For years I shoved down the intuitive side of my being. This both manifested in the physical conditions of my body and the emotional body leading to depression and a sense of overwhelm.
I denied the artistic for the logical, I leaned on the rational over the heartfelt, I looked for answers in my mind while distrusting my body, I planned overflowing, and I valued survival over a sense of freedom. Identifying myself as a source of strength with warrior-like drive, I leaned on the masculine energies of my being to lead and guide my being. I was afraid of appearing weak, too soft, for not being taken seriously and developed a hardened shell. Over time, the weight of this partial manifestation of who I am pressed on me, and the joy and wonder I had for life slowly faded away. I struggled to know what emotionally I was feeling, or felt so much I didn’t know what to do with it. Disconnecting from this feminine side of me (which by the way is in all of us regardless of your gender) made me feel like I lost myself.
My sacral chakra became the personal, ever-present womb I learned to take refuge in over time.
Warm, comfortable, and cozy now, at first it was frightening, vulnerable, and foreign. Yet it’s through the exploration of my sacral chakra that I learned I’m a creative by nature and why I’m not meant for a 9-5 job; how to listen and understand my intuition which was intelligent, wise, almost ancient; how to start living from my heart and not from my head; how to reconnect to my joy through the childlike innocence of wonder inside, and ultimately how to open to a deep connection I have with nature and the cosmos.
The second chakra is an energy center in every human being located right below the naval and down to the pelvic bone. Energy medicine teaching Donna Eden shares that even people without wombs have a womb-like space where this energy center sits. The area in our body where we once were connected through umbilical chord to our mothers, some teachings say that this umbilical chord with something greater is never cut which is why our original essence is said to live here.
In essence the sacral chakra invites us to:
Open up to the energy of creation. This can be through allowing inspiration to birth through us via creative projects as well as creating life through childbirth.
Cultivate a strong connection with this sacred space inside. Returning to the Home inside of us aligns us to our deepest essence before the social conditioning, trials and tribulations of life.
Invite the inner child out to play. This is the inherent innocence, goodness, and generosity of our soul.
Be mindful of judgement and manipulation by ourself or others that causes this sensitive creative energy to hide, get blocked, and stuck.
Let go of parental and other loved ones voices that may have created wounding along the way. (See last week’s Joy Tip about the solarplex chakra for an important practice in this vein)
Extend our care and comfort to ourselves and others.
Lean back on faith and trust in a larger picture of our life.
Open to the body and it’s messages. Many of us were taught that our body is shameful, problematic, even “less” than our minds. This is learning how to truly honor the body as a sacred part of our existence.
Invite in and allow the energies of abundance and manifestation.
Examine our close and intimate relationships to ensure they are honoring our sacredness.
For this week’s Joy Tip Wednesday I want to invite us to come into closer communication with our second chakra. Here are some ways to get started:
Dedicate yourself to a daily meditation to build a Home inside yourself. Technology is magical and there are many ways you can do this with support now. Whether its by downloading the free Insight Timer and a guided meditation, checking out the app Head Space, or finding a meditation buddy that you both hop on the phone at the same time in silence and meditate together to a timer. I recently heard a teacher in a meditation I was in remind us that everything will fall away as we age. Relationships, jobs, our health. If we dedicate our lives to the ideas of who we should be rather than diving deep into who we Are, we could find ourselves empty handed. The safety of the womb you once grew in for 9 months is at your fingertips and it lies deep inside yourself, dormant, waiting for you to turn towards it.
Start listening to your body. When an emotion arises rather than getting heady about it go straight to your body. For example if you are feeling frustrated, find it in your body. What parts of your body are lighting up? Where do you feel a significant shift since the emotion came in? Tune in to notice what is actually happening in your body. Then, come into communication with it. Let’s say you feel frustration in your gut, tell your beloved gut that you give it full permission to express itself. Give it full permission to tell you the stories it has to share. Then listen. Watch and see what images arise, what messages you hear. This is going to be tough at first because you’re likely used to listening entirely to your mind. You’re used to a life of thinking, but it’s actually in your feeling that you open up to a deeper Knowing underneath.
Make your relationships sacred and centered on honoring each other. I saw a really beautiful poem by Nayyirah Waheed about relationships and people. The close connections we have with others must without question honor the sacredness inside ourselves and visa versa. This means that these relationships should feel expansive, supportive, and empowering. If they don’t, it’s time to check in. List the five people you are closest to in your life. “Closest” can mean whatever you want it to mean. Don’t think too much about this. Just list the top five people and then read this poem from Nayyirah. Do the people in your life expand when they touch into the deepest part of yourself as your reveal your being or do they contract?
I imagine I might spend my entire lifetime coming into a deeper knowing from the teachings of my sacral chakra. The mystery of our being lies here and so often we are too busy to stop the bus of life and pay attention to the stars of our interior. May these practices above spark a communication between you and your deepest self. May they inspire you to honor the sacred depths of your inner being. May they jump start curiosity to know yourself more.
Ready to dive deeper? I have just a few spots left for free 30 minute consultations between now and September 15th. I’d love to chat. We’ll get to know each other more, take a journey through your dreams, and if we are a strong match schedule some inspiring 1:1 work to strengthen your connection with your intuitive self. Click here to snag one of my last spots. You deserve it.
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