Let’s talk about feelings.
Although we’ve come a long way, culturally most of us still struggle to be with our feelings and the feelings of others. I think of where I live, the United States, as pretty feeling illiterate. If that’s a phrase. Frozen in an adolescent mindset. Stunted from being able to be with complex emotions like rage or grief.
I’ve been working with complex emotions myself recently. Big, multilayered, grief, to name one, after losing our child in a miscarriage this March. The experience reminded me again just how much we struggle as a society to be with difficult feelings.
I’ve learned that I feel differently than most people as a sensitive person. Being a sensitive person is a complex and interesting way to live. Because as a sensitive person,
research says sensitive people feel more than 80 % of the population.
In the late 90’s, psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron and her husband shared groundbreaking research where the term “highly sensitive person” also known as HSP was born. They discovered that HSPs have a more sensitive central nervous system and experienced deeper cognitive processing of physical, emotional, and mental stimuli.
What does that mean? It means that HSPs:
May take longer to process and make decisions;
Can be sensitive to loud noises, light, smells, physical pain, and large groups of people.
Tend to be more introverted, needing time alone to recharge their batteries.
Dr. Aron’s research found that HSPs have a lower sensory threshold than the majority of the population and therefore, are wired differently.
Finding Dr. Aron’s research many years ago while teaching yoga was like finding an owners manual for my system. Paired with somatic-based therapy, I learned over many years how to work with my sensitive nervous system.
While the HSP research has been wonderful, I also think many sensitives still have a more complex story than simply the HSP understanding.
The majority of sensitives I’ve worked with in my client work have a history of complex trauma.
Complex meaning, long-term exposure to trauma and multiple traumatic events.
Complex trauma has long-term lasting effects. Most notably on a person’s nervous system and their felt sense of safety can be put more easily at risk or in question.
Which leads me to a rich listener’s question I received about how to decode a sensitive person’s feelings:
When do we know what we’re feeling is due to our sensitivity or trauma? And, what do we do about it?
I love this multi-layered question, AND the answer isn’t so clear cut.
This week on Tune In with Marci (the podcast is finally back!)
I explored:
Why parsing out sensitivity versus trauma is not always straightforward.
A simple model I use to explain the connection between our sensitivity, trauma, and feelings.
The purpose of big emotions like grief and anger.
The common strategies we take to deal with these big emotions that actually keep us stuck.
And three steps sensitives can take to start decoding their feelings.
Now tell me, do you identify as a sensitive person? If so, why? Comment below and let me know! Excited to hear from you.
much love,
Marci
PS. Did you love this blog and podcast episode? Then I know you’d love my newsletter!. In addition to updates, I share special subscriber-only practices, goodies, and more! Join my inner circle HERE.