The Resource Conversation

Let’s talk about resources...time, energy, and dun, dun,  

As I hopped off my final discovery call last week I sighed.  Feeling warm in my heart about the work I do, I felt grateful.  Feeling gripping in my stomach about the resource challenges women face, I felt frustrated.  I felt grateful because more people, especially women, are picking up the phone and enrolling support.  Finally, we’re realizing we don’t have to be superwoman and do it all alone.   Finally we’re acknowledging that our friends and family may not have our best unbiased interest in mind and can’t be our only “go to.”  Finally we’re giving ourselves permission to desire, to dream, and to transform.  This.  Is.  Huge.

And yet, the same conversation I’ve had for still...happening.  Let's call this “The Resource Conservation” onward referred to as TRC because feels like an epidemic.  I’m tired of TRC.  I’m exhausted from women telling me they don’t have enough money or time to do what they want.  I’m over trying to convince women that through the very power of their own choice, they get to decide where their money and time goes, and that they CAN decide to invest it in themselves.  I’m angered by the TRC and how so many women put everyone else first...even after they’ve picked up the phone and asked for support.  I’m saddened by the TRC and that many women will go back to their lives, change nothing, and then eventually...break down.  We deserve more.

If you believe we deserve more and you’re tired of your own TRC, let’s chat.  Schedule a free discovery call with me HERE.  

AND I empathize with why the TRC exists.  It’s complicated, it’s complex.  It’s years of conditioning and social structures and family histories and patterns.  I know deep down in my bones that women have been conditioned to give everyone and everything else their time and money.  Whether it’s our time given to extra hours at work or our money to help a family member who is struggling, we are conditioned to give, to be generous, to think of the greater whole.

This aspiration to care for others and the big picture is beautiful.  However, the execution and how it has been translated in a male-dominated world is slowly draining us of our energy, our time, our passion, our sense of purpose, and our knowledge of who we are.  For so many women I talk to, their well feels dry.  I often hear:

“I feel lost.  I don’t know where I went or how to get myself back.”

“I want to fulfill my life’s purpose, but I have no idea what it is or how to find it.”

“I want (fill in the blank with desires, dreams, transformations), but I don’t have enough time or money.”

Sisters, we’ve pillaged ourselves.  It’s not our fault, but it IS our responsibility.  Social conditioning and norms got us here, so let’s drop any sense of blame.  AND we’re the only ones that can change this, so let’s buckle up and do.  Only we can start to choose differently and enroll others in our lives to support this new vision.

I dream of a day where the TRC doesn’t exist.  I imagine a day where women pick up the phone to reach out for support not when they are breaking down, but when they are doing well and don’t even think about the TRC.  I yearn for a day where women finally know that they are the first ones worthy of their resources and that’s not selfish.

Let’s be honest, much of the conversation about resources in the self-help world takes on two unhelpful perspectives.  Either, you invest your resources willy nilly without regard to real-life numbers of hours and dollars and clean up your relationship with resources.  Or, you are completely strapped by the fact that you have limited resources and live from this eyes-wide-open hard truth perspective.  Truth for me, lies somewhere in the middle.  

Yes, we should do the inner work around our relationship with resources.  And no, we shouldn’t wait until we’ve figured it all out to start testing different resource decisions.  Yes, we should look at real-life numbers of hours, dollars, and feelings.  And no, we shouldn’t let just those numbers dictate how we live our lives.  

My relationship with resources was not always easy, but then I got tired of it.  I got tired of my own TRC in my head and with others.  I was tired of hearing myself say “I don’t have enough (fill in the blank with a resource)” to other people.  First, I tried investing my resources regardless of real-life numbers.  Let’s call this the hope approach.  I hired my first coach.  I invested in studying one-on-one with spiritual teachers.  I went on retreats.  I went to yoga classes.  I made regular bath rituals.  I splurged on my favorite chocolate, and I finally bought nice clothes.  This was a powerful experiment.  This free-wheeling practice with resources honestly got me over the fear of changing the flow of my resources to start investing them in myself.  It finally no longer felt selfish AND it was not sustainable.  Then, I got more honest about the real-life numbers let’s call this the reality check approach.  I made budgets.  I crunched numbers.  I monitored how I spent my time.  I created time-blocked calendars.  I built in downtime for “recharging.”  I said “no” a lot. I searched for cheaper solutions to my problems.  I focused on not spending my money and having hard internal conversations about what was truly necessary.  This experiment was also powerful.  It taught me to keep my resources grounded in real life numbers AND this was not sustainable nor enjoyable.  This “scarcity in real life” kept me grounded in what was happening and really fucking scared.  

Eventually I found that the sweet spot was in the middle.  It was both saying “no” to commitments at times AND openly offering my time to people and opportunities that light me up.  It was both having a monthly budget and regularly monitoring my bank accounts AND stretching my mind to pay for a coach and programs that support my desires, dreams, and transformations now.  It’s both knowing that I will always find a way to make it work and the Universe will have my back AND creating a clear plan to make things happen.  

For this week’s Joy Tip I want to invite you get really honest with yourself about TRC happening in your head and with others.  Here’s how:

Check in with your relationship with resources in your life.  Think, money, time, and energy.  Do you currently feel like you are most days in a deficit or a surplus?

Notice where the fear and limitation stories show up.  Where do you tell yourself or others scary stories about how you’ll end up broke and on the street if you were to invest more in yourself?  Where do you tell yourself or others that you don’t have enough time to join the writing group you so deeply want to join?  Where do you tell yourself or others that you don’t have the energy to start painting again, a part of yourself you let go in service of “family obligations”?  

Consider some paradoxes.  How would your relationship shift if you both acknowledged that you’ve been conditioned to think investing in yourself is selfish AND you decided to do it anyways?  How would life shift if you got real with the numbers in your life (hours and money) AND stretched out of your comfort zone to invest your resources in a new way?

I’m done with the TRC and I want all women everywhere to be done with it too.  If you’re ready to do be done and to start shifting your resources let’s chat.  Schedule a free discovery call with me HERE where we can start moving those desires, dreams, and transformations that have been living in your heart for a while out into reality.  

much love,