An over emphasis on self-reliance is a defense mechanism that many of us normalize. Ignoring this pattern's shadow nature born from a desire to protect ourselves out of fear. And rooted in our unhealed heartbreak and yearning for meaningful connection.
Today I’m exploring the shadow of self-reliance and how plant spirits can bring us back into balance.
When I look up the word self-reliance I find the following definition in the Oxford dictionary: “reliance on one's own powers and resources rather than those of others.” And when I keep digging I find a lot of references to an 1841 essay by American transcendentalist philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson titled “Self-reliance.” Where he argues for the need for each individual to avoid conformity and false consistency, and follow his own instincts and ideas.
This is the tricky part. I don’t know if it was all Emerson’s doing, but there is this sticky conflation that happens between the idea of wanting to honor one’s own path and a staunch idea that we therefore must do everything alone. This produces a version of self-reliance that is out of balance.
We can think of staunch self-reliance as the opposite end of the spectrum from the unhealthy pattern of codependence. Two sides of the same coin that keep us disconnected from meaningful connection.
If codependence is an out of balance relational dynamic where we lose ourselves in the face of others. Staunch self-reliance is an out of balance dynamic that in essence denies the relational nature of life.
Developing relationships with plant spirits can be one way to bring us back into balance.
First, because plant spirits are wise teachers. I’ve talked about this in the past, but plant spirits don’t have the same ego consciousness that humans do. So as a result, they remain closer to the original spirit of life. Our original blueprinting. And therefore, can be powerful teachers, elders, and friends on our path. As well as mirrors for this forgotten nature.
Second, when we bridge our sense of relationships beyond human and animal companions, this choice softens something in us. To recognize the magic of life we often miss in our material-centered world. Bringing more balance to the spiritual and material sides of ourselves. Creating balance between the mind and the heart. And, if we open ourselves up to the support of plant spirits it often feels a tiny bit safer to start to open ourselves up to support from other humans.
Underneath the defense mechanism of an overactive sense of self-reliance is a desire to be with you while not forgetting me.
A desire to have permission to be me while with you. In other words, to fully embody one’s true self while in relationship with others. And when we create space for this life giving desire, we can cocreate true belonging.
This week on Tune In with Marci, I explore how to create a balance between our unique path and support from others.
I explore:
The first relational trauma we all experience that remains unhealed.
Why plant spirits are the medicine many of us need to heal this traumatic wounding.
How the illusions of separation from nature and staunch self-reliance fuel each other.
Why we believe honoring our unique path means "doing it alone."
Why codependence and self-reliance are two sides of the same coin.
How opening ourselves to support helps heal relational trauma.
The hidden unmet desires and needs underneath self-reliance.
And heart teachings from a poisonous plant ally: foxglove.
Want to start building relationships with plant spirits to heal? Join my Patreon! For this month only, Patrons who join at the $27 and above level can attend a very special Summer Solstice ritual and plant attunement live class on Zoom. Plus the opportunity to receive a foxglove flower and Lemurian Quartz vibrational essence crafted from my mountain garden. Learn more and join HERE.
Much love,
Marci
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